Deliverable

Well, the proposal with figures has been emailed. It’s now out of my hands. It’s 11:38 a.m. on Tuesday morning. Woo hoo!

Nice post by Seth Godin on Critics, Critcism & Remarkability.

Choices for this week:

• I choose to do my Pilates video on Tuesday and Thursday of this week.
• I choose to do push-ups on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of this week, using the following reps: 25/20/15/10/10/5.
• I choose to submit my website proposal with numbers by Tuesday morning before I leave for class. Complete
• I choose to completely eliminated the “Desktops to be sorted” folder from my firewire drive, and file / sort the contents of the remaining labeled folders.
• I choose to completely eliminate the contents of the “Downloads to be sorted” folder on my firewire drive. Any downloads I deem valuable I will burn to disk and file.
• I choose to finish inputting the possible duet for class into Sibelius by Wednesday evening.
• I choose to memorize my one minute bio with physicality by Wednesday evening.

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note: Just looking at this list fills me with a great deal of anxiety, as the items on it are all things that I’ve saved until the last minute, or that have been pushed back from previous weeks. It’s good that I’m really examining this stuff now. I need to get past this if I’m ever to achieve all that I want to.
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Someday / Maybe (from previous weeks…):

• Create photo-page for main website
• Find a way to better track my finances (Quicken?)

I need to remember my own good advice here to others and use this time as an opportunity to assess, not as an excuse to wage a blistering attack on my own foibles. To that end…

Things that went well:

• Physical: Met my pilates & push-up goals for the week. The way I’ve gone about this feels strong. (Set goals that are believable, and then increase them little by little each week.) I’ve seen a definite improvement in my physique over the past weeks, which is exciting. I think I need to also incorporate some type of consistent stretching program as well, as I’ve been feeling “creaky” of late. Also need to find a way to incorporate low/non impact cardio work, though I’m not sure what this will be.
• I mailed my mom’s mothers day card, and began my “greeting card” project.
• I edited and uploaded the Minuet Steps video to the website, and emailed my classmates a notice about it.
• I practiced my Minuet Steps, and now have a more secure sense of them. I feel more secure that this aspect of the Salon will go smoothly.
• I wrote my one minute bio for class on Wednesday night and had it mostly memorized.
• I purchased a book on elminiating procrastination, and changing the thinking behind procrastination. Small step, but I’m hopeful it will be a helpful one.
• I created assignments for two of my students and emailed it to them.

Things that didn’t go as well

• I haven’t created the proposal with numbers for school. I am sick over this one. The epitome of putting off and putting off and feeling worse and worse about not having it done, even though I was able to extend the deadline. I guess I need to be grateful that I have an opportunity to learn the underlying feelings behind my procrastination. It’s a chance to really make a lasting positive change. At least, that’s what I’m trying to keep telling myself.
• I haven’t eliminated the “desktops to be sorted”, or “downloads to be sorted” folders. Not urgent, thus hasn’t been on my radar this week. I find myself in a really bitter self critical state around this one as well. Which as I’m reading in my book is one of the underlying causes behind procrastination. (I’m only on the first couple of chapters… this is a completely off the cuff rendering of what I’m taking from the text…). The dialog in my head is “You have no excuse for not having completed such a simple task. It’s not like you had all this other stuff going on. The time you wasted doing _____ (fill in the blank) would have allowed you to have this finished. And it’s not like you were working night and day on the web proposal”. Thus go the voices in my head. I definitely need to find a new paradigm for some of my inner dialog. I’m a lot better than I used to be, but still need to be concious of how I talk to myself.

I think that perhaps the resistance that I’ve been having to this web project is a good thing. It has forced me to really look at my motivations for completing this project, and to really understand my “why”. Some things that have come out of this…

I came up with some Principles that I think are worthwhile. This web project would definitely fit into the “Creative – Pay the Bills” category, but I need to also think about what skills I can gain in completing the process (regardless of whether or not my proposal is ultimately accepted). One of the fears that was coming up for me was “I’m not developing an asset, I’m just replacing my old day job with a new day job.”. This is true from a strictly financial point of view. The “asset” that I would be developing however is my ability to handle larger and larger deals. If I truly want to be financially prosperous, I am going to have to learn to negotiate and craft larger and larger projects. It’s kind of like managing your money. How can one expect to become a millionaire (which I’d guess is the goal of many people) when you can’t even balance your checkbook? If I am unable to successfully manage the trickle that is my current income, how can I ever expect to understand and manage the complexity that dealing with larger and larger sums of money must surely entail? It’s probably why so many peoples lives are destroyed when they win the lottery. (I’m completely relying on anecdotal evidence here, but I suspect that a short Google search would back me up on this.) Or perhaps those who successfully handle the new influx of lottery cash already successfuly managed their prior finances. The point is that if I am to one day create my own fortune (through whatever assets I do create) I’m going to have to be saavy enough to manage my empire. If I look at this web project as not merely a way to keep myself afloat financially through the summer, but as the first deal of many that I hope to put together then suddenly it takes on a different meaning for me.

The work and attention to detail that this is going to require doesn’t thrill me. It’s not what I’d love to be doing with my time this summer. Perhaps though this is a necessary step that I must take. Learn to handle this responsibility, which is larger than anything I’ve ever attempted. Yes I am way out of my depth here. Totally beyond my current skillset. But perhaps it’s the skills I’ll gain in this small project (in the larger scheme of things) that will make my next deal much easier, and much more likely to occur.

Other things that came up:

• The finances I gain from successfully completing this project will help fund my other creative work. I want to experiment with shooting a short film on 8mm, using my dad’s cameras. That’s going to take capital.
• Successfully completing this project will mean I’m delivering a much needed tool to R. at school that will greatly improve the quality of his life
• I’ll be putting money into the pockets of my friends, who will be doing the actual coding.
• The asset that I will be giving myself is time, though it is difficult to see that past the work that’s going to be involved. My “hourly rate” for this project is much greater than it would be if I were simply a Cog in the Machine. A greater hourly rate that also eliminates the travel time of a day job means more hours (and energy) in my day to devote to creative endeavors. More time for creative endeavors means more of a likelihood that I can turn those creative endeavors into Creative Assets

Hmm, maybe “Resistance” should be it’s own category. I’m sitting here writing about my resistance to putting together the final price quote for my website pitch. It’s due this Wednesday at the latest. If accepted, this proposal has the potential to greatly enhance the quality of my financial life these next few months. So why am I sitting here writing about my feelings about this project, and not “just doing it”? I’ve had since last week to put this together, yet I wait till the last minute.

Is it fear of failing that keeps me from finishing this thing? Am I secretly dreading the amount of work it’s going to take if I actually do get this gig? Of course, if I don’t get this gig it’s going to really suck to have to go back to a day job in a month and a half. I think that need to be what I focus on. Do I do the work now and try to get this gig, or do I go back to a soul sucking day job. (Dislcaimer: My last day job was not soul sucking. I learned alot. I liked the people I worked for and with. It is also time to move on and find my true calling.)

Ok, Let me take one baby step (next action) at a time…

• Open up entourage, find last email I sent to my developer. Print any relevant emails I need. / Status: complete
• Open Excel “rough hours” document. / Status: complete
• Tweak & go over “hours to complete each phase” scenarios. Come up with best case & worst case scenario. / Status: Ongoing

–Status Report–9:03 p.m.
Oi… What the heck was I thinking? I’m just feeling really overwhelmed by this whole project. Spoke with A. online tonight… Realizing that the web design aspect of it might be more complext than I’d anticipated. Going to try to call him now…
–Status Report–10:10 p.m.
Well, A. wasn’t home but I got in touch with J., who used to work at my school and is now employed by a large school district upstate. I’m really feeling way the hell out of my league here at this point, and am wondering if I’m even playing the right game. Is this really what I should be doing with my time? Am I completely just giving myself another day job to replace the one I had? The level of complexity of this thing just keeps growing and growing. I don’t know if I can do this. Honest statement there.

Things I’ve already done this morning:

• Paid my monthly recurring bills
• Filed my monthly recurring bills
• Prepped my deposit for the week
• Printed my May calendar
• Organized my folders for this week
• Created index cards for Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Mom’s Birthday, Parents Anniversary and filed them with the actual greeting card.
• Entered my past weeks expenses into excel & printed a new “travel pack”.

Things on my mind:

• I need to find a way to accurately track my expenses. I’ve come up with a pretty good way to capture the expenses, via my “travel packs”. (One of the weak points in this though is still capturing outgoing cash. My travel pack system works as long as I remember to get a receipt. I wasn’t so good with that this past week where cash was concerned, so the result is “lost money”. I am not sure what my cash outlays were this past week. This is really just a matter of habit, as well as paying for as many things as possible via money card. I think the capture system is sound.) The current excel file that I’m tracking things weekly in is one solution, but I’d like to find a way to clean this up. Ideally I’d like to get past my user interface issues with Quicken. There is a learning curve here with this for me to be overcome… mostly with the way Quicken handles reconciling accounts. I just need to dig in and learn the damn thing.

Things that are due this week:

• Mother’s Day is Sunday May 8th. I think this is a good week to institute my “43 Folders Birthday solution” project (or at least begin to institute it…).
• I will do my Pilates video on Tuesday and Thursday of this week.
• I will do push-ups on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of this week, using the following reps: 25/20/15/10/5.
• I submit my website proposal with numbers by Wednesday.

Holdovers from last week:

• I will completely eliminated the “Desktops to be sorted” folder from my firewire drive, and file / sort the contents of the remaining labeled folders.
• I will completely eliminate the contents of the “Downloads to be sorted” folder on my firewire drive. Any downloads I deem valuable I will burn to disk and file.
• I will post the “Minuet Steps” video by Wednesday evening.

Someday / Maybe (from previous weeks…):

• Create photo-page for main website

Well… Success this past week again with the “health” parts of my goals. I did my pilates video twice last week. I did my push-ups the way I wanted to. Clear cut goals. Things that were left undone:

• I still haven’t posted the “minuet steps” video
• I made some progress on eliminating the “Desktops to be Sorted” folder, but it’s still not completely gone.
• The “Downloads to be Sorted” folder is still there.

This is not to say that last week was a total wash….

• I was pretty successful in my “going to bed early / getting up early” goals (not posted here… I guess they should have been…). The two days that I taught made myself go to bed by 10 and was up by five. I’ve been doing that pretty consistently of late. That’s definite progress.
• I mailed the invoices for my teaching. I’m ahead of the game on this one, as I usually put that off like the plague. This means I should hopefully get paid in a reasonably timely fashion, which will be helpful.
• It’s Monday morning at 6:48 a.m., and I’m up doing my weekly review after forcing myself to go to bed at 10 p.m. Again, not a small feat, because this has been one of those habits that I’m sure has been holding me back. (Inconsistent sleep habits…)
• It’s Monday morning, the first business day of a new month and I just paid my bills online (after paying myself first…). Late fees can kiss my ass. (Last month my cellular provider – who shall remain nameless – tried to stick me with a $6.28 late fee… I went back to my records and discovered that it cleared my bank correctly and was paid on the day it was due. Coporate assholes.).
• The fact that I just paid all of my bills on the first of the month is a further strong reminder to me that my application of the “43 Folders” system of filing (and GTD princicples in general) have had a very positive impact on my life. I need to acknowledge that as a definite success.

I need to push on and get to my goals for this week, but I just need to remind myself that I’m a work in progess. Just because I wasn’t successful in all of my stated goals last week doesn’t mean I won’t be more successful this week. I have another week of experience, and I’m reminded of a very valuable saying…

“Success is the result of good judgement.
Good judgement is the result of experience.
Experience is often the result of bad judgement.”

On to the week ending 5/8/05 . . .