Deliverable

I’ll start this entry with a couple of quotes:

“Act as if it were impossible to fail.” — Dorothy Brande

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” — William James

I’m going to be facing & starting some new challenges this week (more on those later) that are going to require me to really step up my game. I have a lot of fear surrounding these things and fear about my ability to follow through. I’ve decided to create a list of “as if’s”. A list of qualities that I’m going to need to have to meet my goals and move into a more prosperous stage of life. To that end:

• I’m good with money, able to keep track of what I spend daily and be in control of my finances
• I’m disciplined about the practice of my musical instruments, consistently practicing each instrument (including my voice) and further deepening my skills.
• I’m disciplined about the pursuit of my acting career: submitting myself for parts every week; auditioning for everything I can; consistently preparing monologues & practicing them in front of others; taking classes; honing my physical body through dancing & movement classes; training my voice through consistent practice.
• I’m serious about finishing my book and getting it published.
• I’m serious about exercising consistently and eating healthy consistently.
• I’m serious about writing songs & recording them/selling them as well as serious about writing and producing an Off-Broadway show.
• I’m fearless in approaching every daily challenge, and am committed to diving right in without holding back.

This is the me that I’m going to need to be to move forward. I may add things later, but that feels like a good place to start.

The following is an addendum to the previous post. I know that I said “Show me how to increase my income now”, but let me be even more specific:

I have a part time job that earns me high wages and has the flexibilty to allow me to continue to take classes / go on auditions / teach as needed. I start this job as soon as is humanly possible. This job is a short term solution and is not permanent. It means nothing beyond the fact that I will do whatever it takes to be successful for as long as it takes to be successful. I refuse to be beaten.

That is what I am putting out there.

–Update: 5:12 p.m.–
I took action on this this afternoon. Called some former agencies that I’ve worked for to put out some resumes. Just wanted to document the action.

I need new sources of income. I’m barely scraping by right now. I want my money to come from my talents and my creativity. I want the streams to come from my acting and from my music and from the businesses I create. I want this but I don’t know how to make this happen. Yes I’ll have money coming in when I begin teaching again in September. Yes I have the potential to increase the number of students I teach through recruitment. Money made teaching more students however is not the ultimate answer. This income will always be subject to the whims of the students. I will always have to trade my time for this money. Should I know longer be able to teach this source of income goes away. No good.

I need assets.

• Acting can create assets. One performance on a television show as a member of SAG can produce residuals for the rest of my life. Likewise for film. Likewise for a commercial.
• Songwriting can create assets. One hit song = Kaching.
• Writing a broadway show can create assets. See “Hit Song” above
• Being in an Off-Broadway or Broadway show (though not an asset) would bring in a significantly larger stream of income, which I could then invest in other assets. It would add to the asset that is my resume and potentially create other assets (see film/tv above).
• Publishing the book is an asset
• Starting a business of some sort (if done correctly) would be an asset

These are the assets I’ve come up with so far. They all utilize my creative self in some way.

The books that I’ve read suggest that you come up with an exact figure that you want to earn. The concept is that if you have a clear target you’ll achieve it much more quickly. I believe the concept has merit, but I don’t know how to execute it. (It’s not like I can just go out and make more sales calls. I can’t just open up a new branch office or take on more customers.) I’ve made positive statements in the past like “I earn $63,000 a year”. It always seems to come up short because I don’t know how to follow through. Is that figure too high? Too low?

How do I balance the short term goal of “pay the rent, pay the bills” with the long term goal of “create assets that will sustain the life I want to lead”? I think I probably need to really nail down with clarity what I mean by “the life I want to lead”.

So what is the clear message that I want to send into the universe?

Give me multiple streams of abundant income from assets that I create using all of my talents and ability. Show me how to increase my income now.

It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.

Not much time for this post, as I’m running late. Meant to get up at 7 a.m. but had a difficult time falling asleep after being on the phone with V.A. Went to bed at 1 a.m. and ended up reading till 3:30 or 4. Just felt very restless.

Trying to remind myself that it’s all about progress, not perfection. My little green dot + 1 & 3/4 is not the end of the world. It’s 9:10, I’m up and the bed is made. I’ll take a shower, shave and try to get in 10 minutes of guitar before leaving for my dance class. What can I take from this? If I don’t get at least 7 hours of sleep I’m screwed the next day. I can get up with 3 hours sleep or less and survive the day if I absolutely have to, but it’s a risky proposition. There are days when I’ve tried to do this and been late for my morning appointments, and of course the day becomes about “making it through”. I want better than this for my life. I demand better than this for my life. I need better strategies for falling asleep when I’m restless.

—update: 9:32 a.m.—
I’ve decided to not take the Anatomy Awareness class today. I’d be too rushed getting down there by 10:30 (It’s at least 45 minutes by train). I’ve never been to this dance studio before. It would be really pushing it to get their and not be late. I’d also have to go right from there to my voice lesson at 2. I’ll modify my weekly goals and try for the beginning Simonson technique class on Thursday evening. (This is the class that I really wanted to check out anyway…). If I get extra work this will have to be modified again. I’ll use this time to play some guitar and trombone as well as work on the book.

Goals for the week:

Sleep
Get up by 7 a.m. or earlier on Mon/Tues | Thurs | Fri | done!
Get up by 8 a.m. on Sunday | done!

Music
Call on Monday evening to schedule a voice lesson for Tuesday this week | done!
Have a voice lesson | done!
Play guitar for 30 minutes on Mon/Tues | Wed | Thurs | Sun | | done!
Sing for 30 minutes on Mon/Tues | Wed (didn’t do) | Thurs | Sun | | done!
Play trombone for 30 minutes on Mon | Tues | | done!

Acting
Take the Anatomy Awareness class on Tuesday *modified*
Take the beginner Simonson technique class on Thursday evening. (If I don’t have extra work.) | done!

Housekeeping
Do laundry on Sunday morning before noon. *modified*
Do Laundry on Sunday evening before they close | done!

Exercise

Fill the Well
Go on an artist date early Sunday afternoon. (I absolutely must do this!) | done!

Reminder to self: Only write down things here that you are absolutely committed to achieving. You can always add more goals at any time during the week. This gets you thinking in smaller chunks and building on successes.

The past does not equal the present. Just because you’ve pissed away time in the past doesn’t mean you have to (or will) piss it away today. Change can (and frequently does) happen in an instant. Never lose hope. Today is all that matters.

Goals for the week:

Sleep
Get up by 7 a.m. or earlier on Mon/Tues | Wed/Thurs | done!

Music
Call on Monday evening to schedule a voice lesson for Friday this week | done!
Have a voice lesson | done!
Play guitar for 30 minutes on Mon/ | Wed | Thurs | | done!
Sing for 30 minutes on Mon/ | Wed | Thurs | Fri | Sun | | done!

Acting
Give headshot choices to G.M. | done!
Call Modern Age/Reproductions re: costs | done!

Housekeeping
Do laundry Monday morning | done!
Clear keyboard “hotspot” | done!
Re-organize shoes in closet | done!

Exercise
Pilates on Thurs. | done!

The updating goals throughout the week seems to work well. I have a lot of colorful dots on my calendar for this past week.

“An artist has got to be in a constant state of becoming.” — Bob Dylan

I’m going to make a leap of faith and take a dance class today after my voice lesson. Money is tight right now, but I must make this happen. If I commit then I will find a way. The money to do this will find me.

I must take a dance class at least once a week.

As an actor/singer/performer my body is my instrument. My voice is the way that I communicate with the world. To that end I’m putting this out there:

I must get a minimum of 7 hours of sleep a night.

I must have at my command effective methods for falling asleep quickly and easily even when I have alot on my mind.

I’ve made the start with the commitment to a 7 a.m. or earlier wake up time. I must quickly take the next step and commit to going to bed 7 hours before I have to wake up. My health depends on that. If I’m serious about healthy body being my number one value and if I’m serious about being an actor/singer/performer then I must do this. Period.

It’s just a habit. I can do this!