Deliverable

Here’s the things I wanted to do this past week.

My sleep goals were a bit of a wash this week. I think the stress of the Thursday audition was throwing me off but that’s probably a cop-out.

I didn’t sing as much as I would have liked this past week, though I did sing… Monday, Tuesday were 30 minutes proper. Thursday & Saturday I did a twenty minute vocal warm up for my auditions. Also on the days that I didn’t play guitar for 30 minutes I started the day with 10 minutes of playing. Sort of a nod the the creative powers that be. Not sure if I’m going to make this a ritual yet, but I might.

Lot of acting things happening this past week. Auditioned once with my monologue. Got called back and read 4 scenes from sides. Also tried to go to an audition on Sunday that was a wash, but I’m happy that I did drag myself out and at least make the attempt. Oh, and I finally made my sock puppet.

I made a little progress on the book on Wednesday. Worked with the layout of the r-grams. Here classes start in a week and basically I’m screwed. I must absolutely get something done this week on it.

Thoughts? Feelings? Impressions? Frankly I need to get my day going here so I’ll leave it with what you see above.

Well, I just received the news about the callback I did on Saturday. I didn’t get the part. I’m going to try to do my best to be philosophical about this and not let abject depression get to me. It was an interesting experience. I did get called back based on my initial monologue audition which is a positive thing I guess. It seems to mean that the piece I chose might have legs and be something that I could refine and use again. I learned that I need to have a second contrasting monologue that’s ready to go on short notice.

As to why I didn’t get the part there are probably too many variables to go into. Such is the business, I guess. I’m just going to try and take the positive aspects of this with me. Other than not getting the part there weren’t really any negatives to be honest. The folks doing the auditioning were very cool both in the initial audition and the callback. I got to read 4 scenes with 4 different actresses. All good stuff. Definitely going to be using this experience in future auditions.

–Update: Monday 9/12/05 – 12:30 p.m. –
Not having so much luck with that whole “not let abject depression thing get to me” thing. Honestly it’s not to the point of “abject depression”. I think a way to more accurately state it is “I’m feeling a bit down today”. The phrase “Not completely on my game” also comes to mind. I know that this tends to happen to me at the beginning of the week. I somehow need to refocus and not get overwhelmed. I’m not completely sure how I’m going to do this, but I think it will involve in some way just putting one foot in front of the other.

Admittedly I’ve not been to alot of auditions. It does seem though that there could have been a better way to run the one that I tried to go to today. It was scheduled for 2-6 p.m. I showed up at 2:30. They were already booked solid from 2-6. (Apparently Equity folks could make submissions through the Equity website and some people had tried to audition the night before and gotten bumped to today). I signed up on the second list and was told to come back after 6 p.m. I went to Coney Island, spent and enjoyable couple of hours and returned around 6:30… only to be informed that they weren’t taking anymore people.

Oh well.

I guess the moral of the story is that open call’s tend to be zoo’s (I sorta knew this already…) and that the targeted approach of getting your headshot/resume in front of people before hand is the best way to go. The upside of the day is that I got a vocal warm-up in, I spent a nice afternoon at Coney and incidentally ran into a friend on the train from my Baroque Salon class who was traveling to the same audition. Was good to see her and hear what she’s up to.

Went to the call back yesterday. It went reasonably well I guess. It’s really difficult for me to be objective about this because as soon as it was over the second guessing began on my part…”Should I have made stronger choices with the character?”, “Was I too bland?”. I read for two roles… four scenes total, so I was in the room with the director a good bit. It would be really nice to get the first part that I audition for, but no matter what happens I need to be open to whatever lesson needs to be learned from this experience.

I’m diving back in this afternoon with another audition for another play. Going to continue to put it out there until something sticks. It’ll be a good experience to do more work with sides.

Just a quick note here. Got the callback for the play. Going in tomorrow at 1:15. Really excited about it. I’m going to just put it out there and do the best I can.

I went on my first audition today. I think it went pretty well, especially with all of the stress I’ve felt since finding out about it on Sunday. I did my sock-puppet monologue. Remembered all my lines. Had good energy when I introduced myself to the audition panel, I thought. They laughed at the monologue, which is a good thing. The panel was super cool…. one of them said at the beginning that they were very “actor friendly”, and to take as long as I needed to find my space. Was helpful. I definitely can see how all the training of the past year was helpful for me to go in their and be relaxed. I had jitters but I think those will definitely fade with experience.

With this audition I remember a bit of what I enjoy about being on stage. I really enjoy that give and take with an audience. Even though this was an audition setting I felt like I took the energy that was coming from the panel (3 women, 1 man) and incorporated it into the monologue. Next time I need to remember to ask the person outside the door who’s who in the audition panel. It never crossed my mind to ask that after the audition was over but it’s a good thing to keep track of. (They said their names as I introduced myself to them but with the stress of the audition they went in one ear and out the other.)

I feel like this was a very good first step. The sock-puppet monologue seemed to work well. I think it’s something worth polishing and continued work on for future auditions. I think as I become more comfortable with the audition setting I’ll be able to be more purposeful with my direction and staging. One cool thing was that I found myself thinking of new ways to do the piece on the spot, and tried to incorporate them… (It occurred to me at one point that the sock puppet should react to my words.)

I do need to find a contrasting 2nd monologue. I’m relieved that they didn’t end up asking for one. The WombMan Wars piece I’d chosen was just not ready to be performed.

We’ll see how it turns out. They’re having callbacks to read from sides on Saturday afternoon. I’ve been trying not to drive myself crazy second guessing myself tonight about not receiving a call so far. Whatever happens this was a good first experience.

I just finished the 2nd week of my various challenges. (Cooking, Fiber, TV).

• Fiber Challenge – I missed eating my bowl of cereal this past Saturday. Mostly because I got up late that day, I think. I’m not sweating it too much because the other days have gone quite well. I enjoy the feeling of starting my morning on a full stomach. The last few days I’ve begun taking a multi-vitamin as part of the routine. (Cereal / Apple or other piece of fruit / multi-vitamin). The multi-vitamins that I take have always seemed to sit pretty hard on my stomach, but this combination seems to be working alright.
• TV Challenge – I still haven’t watched television since August 24th. I did watch some of my Mission Impossible II DVD at one point when I was feeling kinda low. I also watched some of the short features on my Robert Rodriquez DVD for inspiration at one point. Still no cable TV which was a bit of a struggle there for a while. (I had to force myself not to watch it especially with all the Katrina madness unfolding down in New Orleans.)
• Cooking Challenge – I’ve not relied on my turbo cooker as much as I’d planned. It does work well for steaming vegetables at the same time you’re cooking your meat so I think I’ll do more of that in the future. I’ve managed to get by eating soup/sandwiches/salads for lunch, and a combo of my sauteed marinaded chicken/beef with rice or cous-cous. Also noticed that it’s good to keep those packaged pasta sides on hand.

Looking forward to my 3rd week. My guess is that I’ll keep at least the fiber & TV challenges going past the 3rd week and maybe even the TV challenge. We’ll see how it works out.

I’ve been tracking the work that I do on my various projects of late by adding little colored dots to the calendar next to my desk. This allows me to see how consistently I’ve been working on things without tracking the minutiae of every minute that I spend on a task. In order to start small and build on success I’ve begun with 30 minute chunks of time. The dots so far:

• Green dot – Got up at 7 a.m. or earlier (I add a number next to it for days that I get up later but still pretty early. The main point of the green dot is just to show that I’m setting a wake up goal and meeting it.)
• Purple dot – Sing for 30 minutes
• Pink dot – Trombone for 30 minutes
• Red dot – Guitar for 30 minutes
• Blue dot – Book for 30 minutes
• Yello dot – Monologue for 30 minutes
• Black dot – Fiber Challenge (adding a “V” means I’ve taken my multi-vitamin)
• Black X – TV Challenge
• Black circle – Dinner Challenge
• Black circle w/slash – approved exceptions to the Dinner Challenge (unavoidable meals out, or approved meals out)

When I look at my calendar and see a string of daily dots I know that I did each task for a minimum of 30 minutes each day. I can always spend more if I choose. The 30 minutes is a starting point.

So far this system has worked pretty well for me. It serves to track consistency, not the amount of time spent. There is no prize for “practicing the most”. The prize is the mastery gained. Mastery of anything comes from consistent doing.

I just severely edited down my Bloglines subscriptions. My head was starting to turn fuzzy, especially with all of the Katrina coverage I’ve been reading the last couple of days. Without TV I’ve been spending more time online. Not healthy. Hopefully this will help.

Here’s the new breakdown…

The heaviest volume of postings come through the “Job Postings” category, the “Lifehacks” category and “Boing Boing”, all of which I can skim through pretty quickly. I really enjoy Boing Boing and feel like the “Lifehacks” stuff can yield some useful information. Believe it or not 34 feed is a pretty hefty decrease from my prior list.

It’s 2:08 a.m. (now 2:39 and counting) and I’m still up. I said that I wanted to be up at 7 a.m. tomorrow but I don’t know if that’s going to happen. I’m really feeling anxious tonight. I was mentioning earlier today that the thing about clearing all of the detritus out of your life is that much more difficult to deaden the things that are bothering you. No television to fall asleep on the couch watching (though I suppose I could still probably find a DVD to watch…). There’s bloglines but that only get’s you so far.

So what am I anxious about? I have this audition coming up on Thursday, that’s one thing. Intellectually I know it’s a good thing no matter how I do. It’s just scary to be stepping out there. Financial pressures are always in the back of my mind as well, I guess. I don’t know that either of these things are the main reason I’m out of sorts. I guess really I’m focusing on the fact that I’ve been here in NYC for 13 years. I feel like I should be further along. More successful (at something at least) in a more tangible way. I know that I’m a better person because of the shift towards acting of the past two years. I’m more me; more comfortable in my own skin. All good things. I’m just tired of all the scuffling. Dreading the thought of having to go back to catering. I just don’t feel very successful. Even if I don’t have the trappings of success right now that I seek I really wish that I had a clearer sense of being on the right path. Some sense that this seemingly crazy step of spending two years in acting school, taking singing lessons, voice lessons… all this stuff that I’m doing is the thing I’m meant to be doing. I feel like some biblical character asking God for a sign. What am I seeking? Clarity of purpose. Inspiration. Discipline. Clear cut goals that I set for myself and feel excited about achieving. Reason to get up in the morning. Days full of joy because I’m surrounded by people that inspire me and that I enjoy being around. Days filled with joy because I’m doing what I love to do and making a shitload of money doing it.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I’m grateful for the roof over my head. Right at this moment no one is banging on my door to evict me from my place of residence. I have food in the refridgerator (though admittedly my skills at cooking that food could use a little work…). I’m grateful for the people in my life. I’m extremely grateful and blessed to have those in my life who support me and inspire me and are willing to listen to my insipid whining (you know who you are ; ).

Anyway, I’m gonna go to bed. I suppose it’s progress to be writing this stuff down instead of zoning out to the X-Files.

Off to sleepy-ville, fair readers.

Night night.