Deliverable

I started to think about what would make a successful day for me. I started to make a list of things I’d like include. As I begin writing this list I’m not sure if it’s a list of low expectations or high expectations, but I’ll start it anyway and see where it leads. I’ll type things in as they come to me and try not to filter.

• Play trombone at least 30 minutes
• Play guitar at least 30 minutes
• Play bass at least 30 minutes
• Play piano at least 30 minutes
• Sing for at least 30 minutes

Work on my book at least 30 minutes

**pause for reflection**

What do I have here so far? No acting stuff, probably because I don’t have a clear idea of what it means to “work on my acting for 30 minutes” yet. I know I should include “work on voice and speech for a least 30 minutes”, but that can be dreadfully boring. Continuing on…

• Go to bed by 12. Get up by 7 a.m. Get a solid 7 hours of uninterupted sleep a night.
• Eat a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats
• Eat an apple a day
• Drink 8 glasses of water a day
• Exercise & stretch at least 30 minutes
• Cook my breakfast & my lunch (healthy food)
• Take a multi-vitamin
• Hang up my clothes after wearing them
• Wash my dishes after using them (Ok, ideally I’d LOVE too have a dishwasher…)
• Write my morning pages
• Meditate (not sure how long…)

**pause for more reflection / save as “Draft” while I go and review previous entries in this blog**

**pause to eat dinner and do laundry**

Back again. It’s interesting to look back over what I’ve written so far with an eye towards what type of result I’m trying to reach with each of these groups of items. The first group is skill related… “I want these particular skills”. It’s probably important to ask why it’s important for me to attain those skills and I may deal with that later in this post. The second group are habits. Things I’ve been working on since I’ve started this blog. Character traits that I hope will help me feel more in control of my life and my day. (I’ll get to the “book” part in a minute).

Let’s say then that I had my successful day. Let’s say that I reached my minimum practice goals. That’s 2 1/2 hours a day spent increasing my skill at trombone, guitar, piano, bass and singing. Let’s say as well that I reached my “habit” goals. The big question is of course “what now”? Why am I doing this? To what end? If you figure 7 hours of sleeping. 3 hours for meals. 2 1/2 hours minimum spent on practice. That’s roughly twelve hours left in the day. Let’s subtract another two hours for showering/bathing/morning & evening routines. 10 hours left in the day. What now?

I think that in the recesses of my brain I’ve had this sense that if only I could consistenly nail down these habits… my practice & my lifestyle… that somehow I’d be able to acheive my dreams. I’m not saying that this is not the case. I suppose what is occuring to me is that I need some overriding passion to fill up the rest of those hours and to inspire the rest of the time.

I’ve said in the past that I am absolutely committed to achieving my dreams. I’m absolutely committed to becoming the best that I can be. The question becomes of course “what are those dreams”. What are those visions that drive me? The book is one. It is something that I absolutely must finish and finish soon. But what then? “We are made of the same fabric as our dreams”. What are my dreams?

I just wanted to make a quick note of something that happened to me earlier this evening. I’ve been really good the last 3 weeks (I think it’s at least 4 weeks now…) about not eating crappy Chinese food or other fast food. For the most part I’ve cooked for myself. I was running around this evening trying to finish up some chores. I’d not eaten and was getting pretty hungry. I started my laundry and figured “You know… I can eat Chinese this one time. It’s not going to kill me.” I stood there looking at the menu and everything really seemed pretty awful to me. I remembered how bloated I’d feel after eating it. I remembered the taste of the various items. Nothing appealed to me. I went home and cooked some pasta with green beans and fish.

Granted the meal that I cooked was nothing special. Most would find it downright unappealing. It was however quick, reasonably tasty and it satisfyed my hunger. I’m not saying that I’ll never eat fast food again. I just want to mark a moment in time where I made a clear decision not to.

I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed by a certain project (which shall remain nameless). This project is something that I know I have to complete in order to move forward in my life, but I’ve not seemed to make any progress on it. Something occured to me this afternoon and I want to share it here.

A friend has been working (and making good progress) towards the completion of one of her projects… redoing her bedroom and making it into an organized “zen space”. She’s recently had a busy couple of weeks and her “zen space” has become disorderly again. She was reluctant to let me see it during a recent visit but finally relented. What I saw wasn’t nearly all that bad. To my eyes she’d made an enormous amount of progress towards her goal. What I saw was a few things that needed doing… maybe 15-20 minutes or so of putting away and such.

The thing that came to me (rather abruptly… I was in the shower at the time…) is that it’s really easy to lack the proper perspective about our own projects. We look at the challenge facing us and become overwhelmed. We see this ginormous task and want to crawl away into the fetal position. (OK, that’s how I frequently feel.) My friend was bummed that her bedroom had gotten messy. I saw it and was excited for her at how far she had come. I know that I’ve been in similar situations where I get bummed about what I perceive as my failures while remaining blinded to the progress. The blindness keeps you from seeing the reality of the situation and makes it harder to get started with making things better.

I know it’s not always easy to have a supportive pair of eyes look at our projects and it’s definitely adviseable to be very selective as to who you allow into that inner circle of creative confidantes. If that supportive eye isn’t available or conventient then perhaps what I’m advocating is simply to look at your project as though you were an outside observer with no stake in the outcome. Pretend that you’re a profesional consultant hired to take a clinical look at the challenge at hand. You might find that this shift in perception brings a new outlook on the situation. Maybe things aren’t as bad as you make them out to be and starting (and finishing) might be easier than you think.