February 2006: Some Thoughts
I wanted to capture some of my thoughts about this past month. As I reconcile the things I’ve focused on with my stated 2006 Yearly Goals, it’s very clear that I was in “create a nurturing home environment” mode. It wasn’t a conscious decision. Perhaps I’m avoiding moving forward with the real issues I need to be facing. Perhaps somewhere deep in my head I know that I must clear out the detritus in my life before I move forward. Either way I feel pretty good about the progress, though I’m not certain where it’s leading me.
Some Observations
- One thing about home improvement projects is that they provide you with clear cut goals that require clear next actions in order to complete. It’s been valuable to work on things like the building of my hall cabinet, the building of the radiator cover… building the screen. It’s been fulfilling to see the concrete results of my work.
- Clearly the reason I haven’t been submitting myself for acting projects was not the fact that I didn’t have headshots that I liked. My new shots are great, but I’ve not yet submitted myself for anything with them. It’s fear that hold me back, plain and simple. I must find a strategy to consistently overcome this fear if I am to achieve my acting goals for 2006 and beyond.
- I’m incredibly grateful for my parents. They very graciously came up and stayed for 4 days, helping me re-paint the apartment and finish other projects. I won’t say that I never would have finished these things without them, but it sure as hell would have taken me alot longer. I might have been sitting in squalor for months and that would have completely sucked. Mom, Dad… I love you and offer you many many thanks! Something useful that might be taken from this could be that one never knows when or where help my appear once you begin your quest for your goals.
- I must put my financial house in order. It’s been a source of underlying stress in my life that I’ve not been acknowledging. Just as physical detritus in the environment holds me back, so too is the lack of clarity in my financial life. It’s financial detritus and it must be cleared. I somehow must find the courage to do this.