A Better Public Enemy Number One: Becoming Overwhelmed-Staying Focused-Finishing
I know that I listed erratic sleep patterns as my original Public Enemy Number One. I know that dirty dishes were/are right up there as Public Enemy Number One-A. Both of these are definitely things that are holding me back, but I think they’re also symptoms of a larger issue.
What is my real “Public Enemy Number One”?
It comes in three forms and they’re all interrelated:
Becoming Overwhelmed. Difficulty Staying Focused. Finishing.
I have days (sometimes single, sometimes multiple) where I get completely overwhelmed by life. Days where every action that I could take becomes almost painful because it seems hopeless. On days like this I either curl into the fetal position, or I find some mind numbing activity to escape into. On days like this my ambitions seem to wither and die. Simple things that might have a positive impact on my life become incredibly difficult to do.
The problem is that I have these type of days pretty periodically so it’s hard to build momentum. It feels alot like one step forward and two steps back. Like I said, I know that all of this stuff is interrelated. It becomes a “chicken/egg” spiral type of thing. I’ll feel overwhelmed, so I’ll spend the night on the couch and not in my bed. My sleep suffers, so physically I’m more apt to feel overwhelmed the next day. “Rinse & Repeat” until I manage to snap myself out of it.
“Becoming Overwhelmed” is a pretty inexact description of what’s going on. It feels like falling off a cliff into darkness in some ways. Staying focused is more difficult than ever.
I think this is part of the problem that I have with finishing projects. Not all projects, mind you. I have still been able to function in the world. I’ve accomplished some things. But always with the nagging thought that if only I could get my shit together I could be and do so much more with my life.
So there’s the triumvirate: I get overwhelmed, I have trouble staying focused, and then I end up not finishing things.
What the hell to do about it? At this time I have absolutely no idea. Maybe it’s enough right now to admit that this is the big “Public Enemy” that’s been holding me back. I’m gonna go take my walk that I’d planned for today and get some dinner. I may post some more thoughts on this when I get back. I may not. Just have to see! : )